It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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