I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
