she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
