He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
