She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
