I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
