Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize