This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
