you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
