I am in a vortex of obligation.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
