I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
