i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
