I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
