I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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