so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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