have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
