I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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