just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
