How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
