North Korea, Best Korea!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
