he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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