1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
