On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
