Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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