We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
