If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
