White coat. Heels.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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