it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
birth control should be required to get into college
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
