i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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