He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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