i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
