What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
