Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We had sex on a dog bed..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
