last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
