OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
