i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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