Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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