you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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