He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
