6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
