She announced her abortion via fbk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
