I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
