so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
