God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
