i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
