I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
