I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
