How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
