so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
