At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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