last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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