i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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