i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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