she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
