honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
